Sunday March 16th
Well here I am well in to my 4th week of chemo therapy. I couldn’t have imagined it was going to go so well, at least so far. I have just returned from a walk up to the waterfall with Barbara and Skipper. This would have been unthinkable just a few short weeks ago. I am learning to be grateful for what now seems like small mercies. 5 or 6 weeks ago, it was a struggle to get out of bed in the morning, going for a walk would have seemed like winning the lottery. I never dreamed of winning the lottery. In fact I hardly ever bought a ticket. Now I win the lottery every day. Imagine what it is like to wake up every day clutching the winning lottery ticket that is going to give you the freedom to breathe freely and unaided. Freedom to move about, talk and walk! Freedom to plan your day ahead, your week, your month, and who knows, maybe even years! If I had won money on my lottery ticket, I could choose how to spend it, who to spend it on and, how much. I could blow the whole lot in one swoop or hoard it away in a bank account until I ran out of time. By then I would have no need for it and unlike my time, I could leave it to others. However, it is time that I have. I can’t spend it all in one foul swoop. I don’t know how much I have won, or for how long it will last. So, I need to spend it wisely. That is one of the positive things cancer teachers you. It is a great time manager.
Last spring I collected Skipper from a farm. He was a one year old Collie. He turned out to be a right little horror amongst other dogs and kids. We had to be careful and choosy where we walked him or free ran him. By the end of the summer, I was looking forward to winter as this would mean I could take advantage of winter dark nights and walk Skipper on my own in Polsoun Park. I figured that once it got to 9pm on a November night, the people with sight would not be wandering around Poulson Park, at least not without a torch anyway and I was right. I more or less had the park to myself and I could let Skipper off the leash to run his paws off. What I did not bargain for of course, was that Lung cancer would turn up and put pay to all my winter plans. By Christmas I could hardly make it to the bottom of the garden, and my winter plans regarding my nightly walks in the park with Skip lay in tatters. Fortunately towards the end of last summer, I took on Miriam (my neighbour from across the road) as an assistant to help me out with the business. Miriam proved to be a great asset in more ways than one. Her presence in the office meant that for the first time since starting the business, I was able to take Skipper out albeit on a lead during the daytime. In the end it also meant that when I became too ill to go out myself, Miriam took of these duties for me. In the end of course, I had to let the business go. However, Miriam continued and does to this day call over on a regular basis to take Skipper out for more adventurous walks than I am able to manage. Along with husband Andy and their two children, Laura and Adam, they take Skipper. Skipper is much more at ease amongst children now and I am even thinking about lifting his asbo regarding other dogs. I have just begun taking Skipper on the late night walks around Poulson Park on my own again. Spring is just around the corner. I hope to enjoy this summer, and not make too many plans for next winter. For I have learned to enjoy every moment of the present and not to take the future for granted. I have also learned you don’t need to buy a lottery ticket in order to fulfil your dreams or your hopes. I now wake up each morning, clutching my free lottery ticket and claim my time. Life is indeed a lottery. Bad luck and good fortune will come and go. We are in need of both. Unless you have experienced despair, you can’t really ever appreciate true happiness.
Until tomorrow then. This is Tom Glassey for news at 11-45, enjoying and making good use of my time on the banks of the Silverburn River.
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