I have just returned from my morning romp with Skipper. We have Barbara’s Aunty May staying with us this week. She is 79 and lives in Warrington. She made her way here on the sea slug last Monday and completed successfully her first ever journey on her own. This morning as she has done every morning, she accompanied Barbara, me and Skipper along the Silverburn. We began our trek from Ronaldsway Halt. Aunty May can’t believe that this is actually a real railway station. Tomorrow we shall prove it by taking the train from Castletown and getting off at Ronaldsway. This morning after crossing the line, we took the foot bridge and headed north towards Ballasalla. As I wandered through the meadow, with Skipper bouncing along and stopping to roll in the long grass from time to time, I started thinking about the plight of the wildlife in the meadow. Having listened to the news this morning before setting off, it occurred to me just how lucky the birds and bees actually are. For a start, they don’t have a credit crunch problem as they all appear to live within their means. They aren’t worried about the present state of the mortgage market as they build all their own houses. They are not concerned about their kid’s education or any cockup in the exam ratings, as they have an education system that has stood the test of time for billions of years. The kids simply learn everything they need to know from their parents. They don’t have a carbon foot print problem either. They simply sod off to where ever they choose under their own steam. Neither are they worried about the state of play in Iraq, Iran, or anywhere else. They do however have major concerns regarding the bloody magpies in the next tree, or the sparrow hawk in the next field. At least these are real concerns that do actually carry a real threat, for nothing in the meadow has any political spin attached to it? It occurred to me that our politicians if they really wanted to learn about life could do a lot worse than simply take themselves off, and sit in the meadow for a couple of hours. I guess this will not happen though unless we can find a meadow that has a 5 star hotel within it, and an all singing and dancing conference centre. Oh, and of course, it would have to be situated in the Caribbean, or some other exotic place far from the banks of the Silverburn. For me the meadow is a wonderful university. You don’t need any ‘A’ levels to get there. You don’t need any Government grants so, you don’t emerge from there up to your eyes in debt, and yes it really is true that we can learn so much from the birds and the bees.

Now then, our walk this morning was entirely in the parish of Malew. Needless to say, we didn’t sing, loiter in church doorways, or drop a stink bomb. Anyone who has read our local newspaper this week will be aware of the new bylaws about to be brought in by Malew Commissioners. These new bylaws have also been approved by Tynwald which surely is living proof that we have now in power the daftest Government, and the most idiotic bunch of commissioners since before the Vikings came. The new bylaws for the benefit of our off Island readers will prohibit singing and loud noises in the street, loitering in church doorways, and the dropping of stink bombs. Farting is fine. So presumably is the dropping of rotten eggs. Just don’t drop a stink bomb. Maybe Malew commissioners would like to explain as to where you can buy stink bombs these days. There is to be no singing or swearing in the streets either. Okay, if you are a postman, milkman, or street cleaner, just don’t show any enjoyment or contentment for your job. Singing or whistling as you work could cost you up to £2500. Don’t forget you must not loiter in any church doorway either. The only folk who will be complying with these ridiculous byelaws will be the poor sods that leave Malew Church in their coffins. Ah, but if they loiter in the church doorway on the way in or out they will stick another £2500 on top of the already outrageous funeral bills. These are the same commissioners who a few years ago thought it would be a good idea to have dog muck DNA tested so that they could trace the dog owners. They were surprised at the interest shown in this barking mad idea from around the world. They assumed that because there was so much interest that it must be a good idea. It simply passed them by that it was because it was such a half baked load of utter nonsense, and that was the only reason there was interest. No-one else could believe they could be so damn stupid.

Well people, that is just about it for today. I will of course be back tomorrow, that is of course if I don’t get lifted for being happy as I walk the Silverburn River tomorrow morning.

Tom Glassey. News where time don’t matter, on the banks of the Silverburn River.