I have just enjoyed a poached egg on toast for breakfast. I am glad Barbara was not watching any celebrity chef programmes last night on the TV; otherwise I probably would not have enjoyed my breakfast. In my opinion, celebrity chefs are probably very good at preparing gourmet food. However, I don’t think they have the faintest idea how to cook basic stuff. A few weeks ago, I woke up to a bacon butty for breakfast. Unfortunately one of these celebrity chefs had been on the telly the night before, demonstrating the best way to make a bacon butty. According to him, you cook the bacon in a microwave oven for two minutes. I ask you, how ridiculous! Unfortunately, I ended up one of his victims, and I didn’t even watch his programme. Everyone knows that the only way to make a proper bacon butty, is to fry the bacon in a pan of fat. Then thickly butter two slabs of thick sliced bread, and wedge the bacon in the middle. You can dip the bread in the fat for extra flavour if required. This celebrity chef also went on to demonstrate how to make what in his opinion was the best fish and chips. Thank goodness Barbara came to her senses and didn’t attempt to serve up anymore of his rubbish. My idea of good fish and chips is to dump a big lump of cod into batter made from flour, water, and egg white. Then fry the fish and chips in a big pan of drippin’. Fantastic! Celeb chef will probably insist that the fish has to be caught off some exotic island in the southern ocean. The chips will probably have to be made from some very rare breed of spud which can only be obtained from Harrords, and as for the peas, well I simply don’t think you would ever get the concept of mushy peas in to a celeb chefs head.

A friend of mine in South Australia emailed me a few weeks ago to tell me that Gordon Ramsey and Jeremy Clarkson were appearing on TV over there, cooking a meal on the Isle of Man. Blimey we are really scraping the bottom of the barrel when we are now relying on a foul mouthed cook and a spoiled boy racer to promote the IOM. One of my best mates was a chef. Can you believe that? Well it’s true, Ralph Alibone. Some of you might remember him from the Park restaurant in Onchan, or when he was at the golf links hotel in Castletown. Ralph was a brilliant guy even though he was an Arsenal supporter. We used to nip out to the golf links hotel for a pint on Sunday lunchtimes, and one of us would keep Ralph talking while the other nipped in to the kitchen and stole his cheese straws from the oven. I cannot be sure whether this blog can be accessed up in Heaven. If it can then Ralph, it really wasn’t me mate that removed your eggs from the centre of your scotch eggs, and replaced them with golf balls. These were the scotch eggs you used to bring to the Union pub for snacks. I know you thought it was me, but the truth is, it was Tony Mincher and he is now up there with you so I hope he has admitted it by now!

Well folks that is about it for today. It’s nice to be back with you once again after my short break. Until tomorrow then, this is Tom Glassey, on the banks of the Silverburn, just enjoying life.