Amadeus Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Right, that's three more names on the "No Deck Chair For You" list then... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cholmondley-Warner Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Yet another brainy German.................. A clipping From a German newspaper: "In retrospect, I admit it was unwise to try to gain access to my house via the cat flap," Gregor Knopf admitted to reporters in Bremen, Germany. "I suppose that's the reason they're called cat flaps, rather than human flaps, is because they're too small for people, and perhaps I should have realized that." Knopf (41), a gardener from Bremen, was relating how he had become trapped in his own front door for 2 days, after losing his house keys. "I got my head and shoulders through the flap but became trapped fast around the waist. At first, it all seemed rather amusing, I sang songs and told myself jokes. But then I wanted to go to the lavatory. I began shouting for help, but my head was in the hallway so my screams were muffled." "After a few hours, a group of students approached me but, instead of helping, they removed my trousers and pants, painted my buttocks bright blue, and stuck a daffodil between my cheeks. Then they placed a sign next to me which said: 'Germany resurgent, an essay in street art. Please give generously' and left me there. People were passing by and, when I asked for help, they just said 'Very good! Very clever!' and threw coins into my trousers." "No one tried to free me. In fact, I only got free after two days because a dog started licking my private parts and an old woman complained to the police. The rescue services came and cut me out, but the police arrested me as soon as I was free. Luckily, they've now dropped the charges, and I collected over DM3,000 in my underpants, so the time wasn't entirely wasted." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P.K. Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Excellent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonan3 Posted April 4, 2006 Author Share Posted April 4, 2006 At the risk of being a spoilsport, I'm afraid this line reveals that it isn't a very recent story: ...and I collected over DM3,000 in my underpants... This one, however, is: German nuclear power station officials have admitted losing the keys to top security areas within their own plant. The Philippsburg nuclear plant in Germany is now under investigation after owners reported that they have been searching for the keys to vital areas around the reactors since March 10. The plant is run by German company EnBW, which reportedly took an entire week to inform the authorities about the loss of the keys. Prosecutors have opened an investigation "against unknown perpetrators" for theft. The company has announced that the locks are being changed, but German Environment Ministry spokesperson Karl Franz criticised the delay in reporting the case. He said: "We received no explanation as to why it took so long to report the occurrence." (Ananova, Friday 31st March 2006) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amadeus Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 This one, however, is: ...The plant is run by German company EnBW, which reportedly took an entire week to inform the authorities about the loss of the keys. ..He said: "We received no explanation as to why it took so long to report the occurrence." (Ananova, Friday 31st March 2006) Let's just say it's a rather large plant..... At least we didn't have to give it a new name, so people forget about that "unfortunate incident" in 1957... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonan3 Posted April 4, 2006 Author Share Posted April 4, 2006 Then again: A German has been ordered to stop laughing out loud in the woods after joggers complained he was disturbing the peace. Accountant Joachim Bahrenfeld, 54, from Datteln said he goes to the woods after work and at weekends to have a good belly laugh. "It's part of living for me, like eating, drinking and breathing. I feel much better when I laugh, it's freeing and healthy," he said. But he now faces a £4,000 fine or six months jail if he laughs out loud again after a jogger successfully took him to court saying he was disturbing the peace. German laugh expert Susanne Maier, who founded the German Laughter Academy which aims to teach serious minded Germans to lighten up, said: "Mr Bahrenfeld has been doing what we advise our students to do and that is to find a place they like to have a good old giggle. "It would do the person who made the complaint and the judge good to come along to our school and learn for themselves the benefits of letting it all go." Ananova: Tuesday 4th April 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stavros Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206 Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land." Stav. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cholmondley-Warner Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 "Could laughter really be the best medicine for ever-serious Germans? A major meeting on the medical benefits of humor, opening today in Essen, will take up the issue. Germans are not known for being giggly, bubbly or light-hearted. Nor are they a riot, a hoot, a scream, or barrel of laughs. They're not even especially witty. So why are they hosting a humor conference? Maybe they just need it most. If the international stereotype is true, Germany is a country full of dour sourpusses who tend toward excessive punctuality -- and there is even some data to back it up. Germans laughed three times less in the 1990s than they did in the 1950s -- right after the World War II. Depression rates have increased tenfold. The head of Humor Care, a group that promotes laughter's threapeutic benefits, Dr. Michael Titze, explained that it's not a chemical imbalance that keeps Germans from laughing as much as they used to. Rather, an extreme fear of what the future holds, keeps them crabby." A HUMOR CARE GROUP? run by Dr TITZE! Works for me - I haven't laughed so much since my granny caught her tits in the mangle! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonan3 Posted April 6, 2006 Author Share Posted April 6, 2006 Sorry to resurrect this (no, honestly, Amadeus, I really am!), but if this is what having a high IQ leads to then I don't really think we ought to be all that envious! http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_17922...u=news.quirkies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amadeus Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 I just felt better, and now you have to remind me again of how sad everything is - you're cruel! Years of laughter therapy destroyed by one sentence... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cholmondley-Warner Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 This'll cheer you up Amadeus, What's the way to Germany? Down the road, First Left and Third Reich! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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