Declan Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 I've just watched Grumpy Old Men At Christmas, and I noticed that there was quite a local connection there. Of the ten or so men featured Jeremey Clarkson has a home here, Wakeman used to live here, John Peel used to holiday here (with über-grump Andy Kershaw), and I once caught a flight from Ronaldsway with Matthew Parris. And it is not just famous sourpussess we attract, a bus journey earlier this year was enlivened no end when an irascible elderly Yorkshireman took a future MHK to task for using a mobile phone to find out the results of his accountancy exams. Luckily the putative politician escaped a too severe tongue lashing when a teenage girl interceded on his behalf. Clearly there is something about the Isle of Man that appeals to this a cantankerous demographic. So I propose that we start marketing ourselves at people who enjoy being miserable. The Villa has already made a good start by hosting gigs by notorious curmudgeons like Van Morrison and Lou Reed but I reckon the rest of the tourist industry should get on board. Now there's no point going over the top at first so I suggest we set aside the fortnight after the clocks go back for "grouchy getaways" and "breaks for bellyachers". This shouldn't be too difficult, it is just a question of playing to our strengths. I envisage the following itinerary - Saturday our jaundiced jaunters arrive at the Sea Terminal at 12am, having had to make their own way to Heysham from Liverpool after the Sea Cat was cancelled. Finding that the specially commission fleet of limos has gone home and without a taxi in sight they are forced to make their own way to the hotel. A trek, which becomes less arduous when our sombre sightseers are relieved of their luggage by a gang of pissed up teens. Sunday Breakfast, consisting of a dry bread roll and lukewarm tea, is served at 6am sharp. To ensure the right ambience for our visitors we've headhunted the bloke from the airport to wait-on. Whilst dining our grinch-like guests will enjoy an informative power-point presentation by Alex Brindley entreating them to take advantage of the Freedom to Flourish, which the Island provides. Our whining wayfarers are the free to flourish in their own ways until 11am, when one of the highlights of the trip is due to start. They are about to escape that bugbear of many a grumpy old man - speed limit. Yes, imagine the thrill of travelling on unrestricted roads in a decrepit charabanc. To Ramsey, which is shut. Monday Ramsey, again. Still shut. Tuesday Minister for Fun, David Cretney will lead the austere excertionists on a Pub Crawl around Ye Olde Hostelries of Douglas. Beginning at the Foresters, this will take in the Dog's Home, Bushy's, the Shakespeare and the New Strand. Before finishing up, assuming David doesn't drop off first, tripping the light fandango at the Palace Lido Ballroom and Lazer Disco. Wednesday Along the Steam Railway to Port Erin. Unfortunately, it being out of season the railway isn't in operation so outdoor clothing is advised. Thursday As a special treet for the culture vultures amongst our malcontented meanderers, Phil Gawne will provide the commentary for a tour of the House of Manninan entirely in Manx. Don't worry he isn't talking about you. Friday For the final evening of their stay there will be a tea-dance at the Castle Mona Hotel, the demolition of which has been graciously delayed by new owners Hertiage Homes. Unfortunately, the smoke damage means the ballroom is out of commission so the dance will take place upstairs in Breeze. Don't forget to give a big shout out to the Full on Fridays crew, who will be pumping out the bangin' chooms. Saturday Leave. Or not since high tides and strong winds are predicted and the Prom is likely to be closed and clients may be forced to remain in their hotel. Please note in the event of this happening no caterering facilities will be provided and customers are advised to bring with them suffucient emergency rations to last a few days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhumsaa Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 I think you're onto something I second your motion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Ayres Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 You're meant to make them unhappy, then you shut Ramsey two days on the trot, surely not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonan3 Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Come on! You're not really trying! Pedestrianise Crellin's Hill, build a small hotel halfway up and make it exclusively reserved for wheelchair-bound guests. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VinnieK Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Is the feeling prompted during a walk along Castletown beach on a winter's day closer to unhappiness or despair? Either way, it surely deserves a place on that already magnificent itinerary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juan Kerr Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 You're on to something Declan. Its the only opportunity the DTL have of playing to the Island's strengths There's even less to do this time of year so you could have dedicated "winter whingers" weekends. Plus you could bring them in on Euromanx so they can have an extra moan about cancelled flights, and delays all weekend too. Maybe a treasure hunt to finish off with ... find the only open public bogs in the North of the Island .... that sort of thing. You may just have saved the manx tourist industry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gonzo Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Hehe... stating the obvious somewhat, though: just read the forums. This place is like Grumpy Old Gits Anoynmous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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