Your Theme Tune

[Gladys]

Funnily enough Albert, I know all the words to that!

[Albert Tatlock]

Funnily enough Albert, I know all the words to that!

Me too. Six weeks of basic training in the 80s and it was played everyday on the forces station radio. Great song! Unfortunately these days I don't just know the words - but the dance too.

 

That said I may have just met the future Mrs Tatlock this week - so all may not be lost

[Gladys]

That said I may have just met the future Mrs Tatlock this week - so all may not be lost

 

Congrats! That said, the one doesn't preclude the other, and there is research to suggest the contrary is true!

[Albert Tatlock]

That said I may have just met the future Mrs Tatlock this week - so all may not be lost

 

Congrats! That said, the one doesn't preclude the other, and there is research to suggest the contrary is true!

...though I still don't know if it's the one on page 7 or the one on page 9 of this months 'Russian Brides' mag.

[grant]

ooh Albert, you must be younger than you look.

[Gladys]

Best to keep your options open Albert!

[grant]

For the benefit of someone without sound at work, what is the dammed song, I probably won't be old enough too know all the words, mind.

[Gladys]

Ivor Biggun's 'I'm a Wanker'.

[grant]

Is that the answer to my question, or just a general statement?

[Gladys]

Be afraid, be very afraid!

[grant]

shiver, shiver, twas just jesting.

[Albert Tatlock]

ooh Albert, you must be younger than you look.

Hmmm...probably about half the age of my 'photo' ...plus (I am told) I look 8 or so years younger than I really am

[grant]

But how old is your photo?

[Albert Tatlock]

For the benefit of someone without sound at work, what is the dammed song, I probably won't be old enough too know all the words, mind.

Lyrics to 'I'm a Wa*ker' (though it's best to listen to the song!)

 

My mother said

that I never should

never play with the naughty rude girls in the wood

Their giggling talk I could never understood

And thats why I fell in love with my right hand

 

(Chorus)

And thats why

I'm a wanker

I'm a wanker

And does it good like it bloody well should

I'm a wanker

I'm a wanker

And im always pulling my pudd

 

I was 25 years old

before I was kissed

and then I found the guy prefered

a swift one off the wrist

Its cheap and convenient

and you cant catch VD

Its avalible at anytime and its absolutly free

 

(Chorus)

And thats why

I'm a wanker

I'm a wanker

And it does me good like it bloody well should

I'm wanker

I'm a wanker

and im always pulling my pudd

 

Oh Mrs Palm

and your 5 lovely daughters

Thank you for having me

and being oh so kind

I've got pains in my arms

and my donkeys growing shorter

My knees have turnt to water

And I think im going blind

 

I've wanked over Italy

I've wanked over Spain

I've wanked in an omibus

I've even had a wank in a train

 

I've used a badger

and a melon

and a cat

a inflatable Linda Lovelace

and a David Crocket hat

 

(Chorus)

And thats why

I'm a wanker

I'm a wanker

and it does me good like it bloody well should

I'm a wanker

I'm a wanker

and im always pulling my pudd

 

Oh Mrs Palm

and your 5 lovely daughters

Thank you for having me

and being oh so kind

I've pains in my arms

and my donkeys growing shorter

My knees have turnt to water

And I think im going blind

[grant]

OK, i'll have a listen when I get home, it explains why bush is on the video. (the boss here thinks I'd spend all night on internet if I had speakers, so I haven't, obviously a very astute boss)