Energy From Waste Plant

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Copy of a letter sent by an acquaintance of mine to the General Manager of the Incinerator......he's not had a reply yet!

 

“Guffy Winds”,

(Address removed for privacy reasons)

XXXXXXXX

XXXXXX

XXXXXXX

 

(Telephone number removed)

 

The General Manager,

Energy from Waste Plant,

Richmond Hill,

Braddan

Douglas.

Isle of Man

 

 

25 May 2007

 

Energy efficiency

 

Dear Sir,

 

I have bicycled past your interesting facility on a number of occasions and write to enquire more generally about operational efficiency.

 

I am gifted with a condition known as “Super-Methagenic Metabolism”. This medical phenomenon allows me to generate huge quantities of Methane Gas by digesting regular quantities and types of food. You may find it interesting to note, that I have been Laboratory tested using a National Physical Laboratory calibrated Quadrupole Mass Spectrometer. The Certificate shows proof of > 85% Methane content by volume, at standard temperatures and pressures, with only traces of other gases and by-products.

 

Practically, my digestive behaviour is not dissimilar to that of a Cows’. However I draw the line at having to eat Grass and Silage. Egg Tuna Mayonnaise Sandwiches, Tinned Pears and Bottled Brown Ale usually fill the Bill more than satisfactorily.

 

As well as earning a living in Working-Men’s Club’s as a contemporary “Flatulist”, I have successfully converted one of my Bicycles using a Home-made Gas Turbine Engine. I have even managed to use an old Tractor Tyre Inner-Tube as a Reservoir Tank, strapping it to the rear Wheel Rack. The resultant propellant force, is more than sufficient to tackle all but the steepest Hill in the Isle of Man! This saves Pounds on Bus Fares.

 

I write to enquire therefore, if any surplus of Methane could be used to supplement the Gas source used in the Incinerator Plant? Given my basic Chemistry knowledge and understanding of the Ozone layer, it seems preferable to make more efficient use of my own combustible products in this way. The alternative is to indiscriminately release them into the atmosphere, where the environmental damage will be even more severe?

 

Additionally, there may be some cost saving, which could possibly be disguised in the name of efficiency?

 

I would in any event, very much like to visit your facility on my next visit to the Island and would be grateful for an invitation. I leave today, but plan to return later during the Summer.

 

Please rest assured that I am not a “natural” fire risk. My contacts at British Coal and SIRA Test and Certification would not however advocate my presence on Oil Rigs or Petrochemical Plants. As a precautionary measure, I keep a small stock of caged Canary’s in the Rooms of my own House.

 

I look forward to hearing from you.

 

With regards,

 

Yours faithfully,

 

(Name removed for privacy reasons though both his name, address and telephone number were accurately given on the original)

[sarahc]

Done already:

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Timewaster-Letters...r/dp/1843171082