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Malew Byelaws


Grianane

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The new by-laws for Malew parish, approved by Tynwald last week, will prohibit singing, swearing or making a loud noise in the streets

 

Brenda Cannell (Douglas East) said: 'This stuff seems to be going back to the Dark Ages. I'm just glad I live in Douglas East!'

 

 

Extract from Douglas draft byelaws

 

3. Excessive Noise

(1) No person shall, after being asked to desist by any person,

(a) play upon or sound any musical or noisy instrument, or

(b) sing or shout, or

© operate or permit to be operated, any radio, amplifier, compact disc player

or other similar device, or

(d) otherwise make any noise,

which is so loud or so continuous or repeated as to cause disturbance or nuisance or give

reasonable grounds for annoyance to

 

 

time to move Brenda

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The new by-laws for Malew parish, approved by Tynwald last week, will prohibit singing, swearing or making a loud noise in the streets

 

Brilliant! No more f**king carol singers annoying everyone at Christmas! Please make this an island-wide law.

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Pointless enjoyment will be frowned upon. many inns and the theatres we will be closed down (if they haven't already). Most sports will be banned. Boys caught playing football on a Sunday will be whipped as a punishment. Swearing will be punished by a fine, though those who keep swearing could be sent to prison.

 

Sunday will be a very special day. Most forms of work will be banned. Women caught doing unnecessary work on the Holy Day will be put in the stocks. Simply going for a Sunday walk (unless it is to church) can lead to a hefty fine.

 

To keep the population’s mind on religion, instead of having feast days to celebrate the saints one day in every month will be a fast day.

 

Women and girls should dress in a proper manner. Make-up is banned. Leaders and soldiers will roam the streets of towns and scrub off any make-up found on unsuspecting women. Too colourful dresses are banned. Ladies will wear a long black dress with a white apron that covers them almost from neck to toes and her hair will be bunched up behind a white head-dress. Men will wear black clothes and have short hair.

 

Christmas as people know it is banned. It will be returned to a religious celebration where people think about the birth of Jesus rather than eat and drink too much. Policemen will go round the streets and take, by force if necessary, food being cooked for a Christmas celebration. The smell of a turkey being cooked could bring trouble. Traditional Christmas decorations like holly are banned.

 

By order of

post-1037-1216294698_thumb.jpg

 

Chairman of Malew Commissars.

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The new by-laws for Malew parish, approved by Tynwald last week, will prohibit singing, swearing or making a loud noise in the streets

 

Brenda Cannell (Douglas East) said: 'This stuff seems to be going back to the Dark Ages. I'm just glad I live in Douglas East!'

 

 

Extract from Douglas draft byelaws

 

3. Excessive Noise

(1) No person shall, after being asked to desist by any person,

(a) play upon or sound any musical or noisy instrument, or

(b) sing or shout, or

© operate or permit to be operated, any radio, amplifier, compact disc player

or other similar device, or

(d) otherwise make any noise,

which is so loud or so continuous or repeated as to cause disturbance or nuisance or give

reasonable grounds for annoyance to

 

 

time to move Brenda

 

I hope that she's not making a song and dance about it.

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STICK a stamp with the Queen's head on it upside down on a letter and you are committing treason. This law was passed in 1840 when the first penny black was issued to stop people "insulting the monarchy".

 

IT is illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle in London since a law passed just after the Second World War.

 

ALL Englishmen over the age of 14 must spend two hours a week practising the LONGBOW, supervised by the local clergy. This law dates from the middle ages when there was no standing army so in times of war noblemen were required to provide knights, archers and infantry.

 

BREAK your boiled egg at the pointed end and you can be put in the stocks for 24 hours under a law passed in 1561 by King Edward VI.

 

EVER been lost going round a strange round about for the first time? Well if you circle it more than THREE times, you could be arrested as it is an offence.

 

LET a desperate stranger into your house to use the loo and - if you live in Scotland - you're committing an offence according to a law dating from 1791.

 

STEALING post from the Royal Mail is an offence because it is still classed as an act of treason.

 

COUPLES in Birmingham can be fined £25 if they have sex "on the steps of any church after the sun goes down". However, the law says nothing about doing it in broad daylight...

 

A BLOODHOUND is the only animal in the world whose evidence is admissible in a court of law.

 

IT is illegal to take a cow along a road between the hours of 10am and 7pm - unless you have permission in advance from the Commissioner of Police. forbids "harbouring a Catholic priest".

 

MEN caught short in the street are legally allowed to urinate in public, but ONLY on the rear wheel of their own car on the driver's side of the vehicle.

 

IT is illegal to show affection in public in Wales on Sundays.

 

Its amazing how many of these laws linger and no-one thinks to say - hey we dont need that anymore.

 

AND loony laws are not just passed in this country...

 

ANYONE who detonates a nuclear device in the city limits in Chico, California, can be fined $500 (about £260). If anyone's still around to collect it, that is...

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Boys caught playing football on a Sunday will be whipped as a punishment.

Ok after a lifetime of hating the bloody game I may have to take it up on Sundays if one or two certain Lady's dish out the punishment. :whistling:

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The new by-laws for Malew parish, approved by Tynwald last week, will prohibit singing, swearing or making a loud noise in the streets

 

Brilliant! No more f**king carol singers annoying everyone at Christmas! Please make this an island-wide law.

 

And Hop tu naa, please!!

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