Augustus Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Since all one has to do on this Island to be nominated for some or other extravagantly titled award is be able to walk and chew gum at the same time, I am going to nominate one outstanding citizen for Resident of the Year. According to page 2 of last week's Courier, this gem of a human being was found by police in the possession of four packs of cigarettes stolen from a dispenser in the Saddle pub, Douglas. He pleaded guilty to burglary and handling stolen goods. So, in common language, our hero is a thief. A particularly cheapskate one, too. How low do you have to go to steal cigarettes from a dispenser in your local? However, what clinches his nomination is his behaviour in Marks & Spencer on 17th December last year. Imagine it, all the staff furiously busy, customers bouncing off the walls in the pre-Christmans rush, hustle and bustle, commotion everywhere. Our hero decides to enter unnoticed (except by the CCTV system. Hellllooooo.) into a communications room through an unlocked staff door (why would you do that, anyway?) There he removes (i.e. steals) a set of keys and a "branded baseball cap" (what did it say? "I AM AN IDIOT AND A THIEF"?) And then, friends, our hero delivers his piece de resistance. His inspired moment of genius and contribution to society. He squeezes one out on the floor for the M & S staff to find and clean up. Isn't that brilliant? Isn't that truly ... gifted even? I give you Jonathan Alan Andrew Jones, 20, of Clifton Terrace, Douglas. He is my nominee for Resident of the Year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Declan Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 He squeezes one out on the floor for the M & S staff to find and clean up. It was a cry for help, he so wanted to be caught he left DNA evidence behind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stavros Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Still, it was a bit of a shitty thing to do though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manxman2 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 maybe he was just returning one of their outragously priced ready meals.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerryMcCann Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 That's not just any turd though. It is a delicious succulent Marks and Spencers turd. Mmmmmmmmmm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyboarder Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 How low do you have to go to steal cigarettes from a dispenser in your local? Depends on how high off the floor the machine is surely? Maybe you should stand - you may get my vote. ; )) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manxman2 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 i feel sorry for anyone that calls the saddle their local.. So, in common language, our hero is a thief. A particularly cheapskate one, too. How low do you have to go to steal cigarettes from a dispenser in your local? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Port Erin Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I wish to nominate Steve Rodan for his annual performance of addressing the haggis at The Hilton for Burns Night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Power Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I remember reading that burglers are often caught by an overwhelming need to crap on the floor when in the middle of the job?? Very common! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyboarder Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 On the job job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluenose 52 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 On the job job. Definitely a jobbie then ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manxman2 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 could happen to anyone you lot are being abit harsh on him imo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheesypeas Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 He squeezes one out on the floor for the M & S staff to find and clean up. It was a cry for help, he so wanted to be caught he left DNA evidence behind. It is (or at least was) quite common for a lot of thieves to leave a skid mark at the scene of the crime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheesypeas Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I remember reading that burglers are often caught by an overwhelming need to crap on the floor when in the middle of the job?? Very common! Apologies, you beat me to it but too busy drinking red vino to notice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gladys Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Where do I vote? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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