Upset Over Treatment Of Dementia-sufferer Dad

[earwacs]

I agree, people who care for family members probably do so at much less cost to the tax payer than professional carers. Society should not begrudge them reasonable financial support if it can make the task easier.

[Mrs Merton]

Can you not understand? Or do you mean you understand, but don't think it is right? I can understand why people wouldn't want to euthanise a family member.

 

Likewise. I agree with it but if it came to it, would I want to make that decision? I really don't know. It is one of those situations where you cannot possibly know until you're in it. I see my dad now in a nursing home & don't see the man he was. There are days where he sits & cries as his situation and if you all but knew that this is so unlike the man who brought me up. There are also days where I just can't bring myself to see him. He has lost his dignity & we know he won't get any better. Having said that, he was previously in Newlands for several months where he was isolated in a room of his own yet managed to pick up infections on a regular basis and was left for more than an hour in his own urine before anyone would help. Since going into a home, no infections & he makes more of an attempt to eat that he did before. The care has improved tenfold but at a price that he/we have to pay. It means that when he dies there will be nothing to leave his family - to us it means nothing as his children are grown up & settled and we don't want his money - but to him it's something that he has been brought up to do. That's just the way he is. Anyway, that's going a little off topic but I just needed to say it.

 

It has taken years for the 'Braddan Butchers' to diagnose him with something & he went in & out of there 6 times yet we never came away with any answers. No-one really gave a damn, especially on the wards. The staff at Newlands were actually good but there are not enough of them that was quite obvious (see above - beds no changed). 3 people on duty to look after over 30 elderly patients is not acceptable.

 

There are so many examples of bad patient care & administration errors I think we could write a book. It really isn't good enough. I hope to god I am never in need of hospital treatment. I'd rather be taken to a good vet!

[Foxtrotlima]

It really is one of the biggest (and I make no excuse for the phrase I am going to use) head fucks I have ever had, having a parent with dementia. My father always said if he ever ended up in that situation we were to "pull the plug". It is very different when you are actually put in that situation though.

 

The problem with dementia is that every once in a while the person may have a lucid moment, and that really is the most difficult thing to deal with.

 

One bit of advice I can give is that if someone isn't satisfied with the standard of care a relative is receiving, then demand a second, hell, a third opinion. I have spoken to people who have a misguided sense that their relative may be singled out for worse care but this isn't the case.

 

Something that goes against the grain of everything I believe in, but can yield the best results is to get a private consultation. Beg, borrow (but don't steal!), but get that private consultation if you can.

 

I know it isn't much but if anyone wants to contact me for any advice, a bit of moral support or even just to offload, I won't object in the least. I know how isolating it can be, but also know how angry and frustrating it can be too.

[asitis]

My wifes father was almost a mirror of the sad tale at the head of this thread until he died in Abbotswood. What did the health service do, actually 'nothing' everything we had to do as a family including finding the £750.00 per week care fees to enable his last months to be at least dignified !

 

Approaches to Gov. for any help at all were met with little sympathy or interest, in fact the only thing they did on time was send a letter out for return of old age pension overpaid after his death !

 

I am always writing about better use of public money and health care and care of the elderly in particular could do with some humanity injected into them ! BTW I am not anti euthanasia so will save Vulgarian a post but until that matter is lawfully clarified we are stuck with what we have.

 

Lump together all the wasted government millions on the island and we could have a quality of life and indeed death the envy of the world !

[tabby]

It is a sad reflection that even on this small forum there are people who have had similar experiences.

 

I would like to explain to those who obviously do not appreciate what dementia is that they must not confuse dementia with unhappiness and a poor quality of life. My Dad has got dementia but he was happy and enjoyed life until he had to be admitted to hospital. The article in the paper does not touch the surface of what he suffered there. Before that we used to go to Peel for an ice cream or the Hawthorn for fish and chips. He was jolly and enjoyed a good laugh. Confused? Yes. Unhappy? No. Next time you cant remember something or get confused think about it and dont be so quick to judge.

 

His care at Abbotswood is wonderful and he is slowly improving. People do not recover from what he went through quickly at the best of times never mind at 93.

 

Kate Beecroft - Norman's daughter

[CJW]

No-one really gave a damn, especially on the wards. It really isn't good enough. I hope to god I am never in need of hospital treatment. I'd rather be taken to a good vet!

 

I seriously doubt this statement. In fact I find it abhorrent.

Do not blame the hospitals or their staff, blame the pathetic lack of funding that causes what you perceive as inadequate care.

My father died from complications brought about by Motor Neurone Disease and the standard of care he received was exemplory. You should not be criticising the healthcare professionals, they do the best they can with their hands tied.

[Foxtrotlima]

I think you are very close to hitting the nail on the head CJW. In my experiences, the most difficult and frustrating situations are where a person with dementia requires what can best be described as "crossover" care. Without wishing to sound flippant, it is the best description I could come up with where the physical needs of my father prioritised his mental wellbeing.

 

Nobles is NOT set up to deal with this kind of care, and to be honest, I have no idea of anywhere that is. To treat a severe fracture correctly (I use this example as it is the one I have experience of) requires care on a certain dedicated ward. Unfortunately these wards' staff to patient ratios do not factor in the admission of someone that requires such a high level of care.

 

I genuinely don't know what the answer is here. Would it be practicable to have highly skilled floating carers that could be called on for such times or would that be too much of a drain on the budget? Like I said, I certainly don't have the answer.

 

Something I would welcome would be a coherent, transparent and most importantly accessible policy as to how dementia sufferers are to be treated, and how their health needs are prioritised. Unfortunately with there being so many kinds of dementia, so much misdiagnosis and general misunderstanding of the illness on so many levels in the health care profession I can see this being a long time coming.

[Addie]

His care at Abbotswood is wonderful and he is slowly improving. People do not recover from what he went through quickly at the best of times never mind at 93.

 

Kate Beecroft - Norman's daughter

I wish you both well.