Earthquake In Pully!

[Ripsaw]

Not as funny and just as old as the opening post...

 

Q. How do you know that you've just moved into Pully?

A. The first time you trim the lawn you find the last resident's car.

 

(PS. I worked in and lived above the Pinewood, and enjoyed my time there)

[Generation Terrorists]

Is that...good or bad?

[Tee]

bad! it was a Austin allegro

[Deejay Denzel]

Was it me who posted it first time round?

 

I'm off for ham strokey baps and egg cress while you remember...

[Lonan3]

A major earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale hit Pulrose in the

early hours of Tuesday 23rd September 2003. The epicentre was Elm Avenue.

Casualties were seen wandering aimlessly saying "bang out of order",

"mental", and "that did my head in".

 

The earthquake decimated the area, causing an estimated £17 worth of damage.

 

Several priceless collections of mementos from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged

beyond repair. Three preserved areas of historic burnt out cars were

disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Hundreds

of residents were confused and bewildered, they are still trying to come to

terms with the fact that the damage was caused by something other than

themselves.

 

One resident, Kelly Sharon Quayle, pregnant 14 year old mother of three,

said "It was a f*ckin shock, little Chardonnay-Leigh came running through

the cardboard door into my f*ckin bedroom crying. My youngest two,

Tyler-Brooklyn and Kai-Keanu slept through it all. My hands were shaking

that much, I could hardly shoot up when I was watching Tricia this f*ckin

morning".

 

Another resident, 'Mally' said that the earthquake would not stop him from

going to work, after all the burglaries and graffiti would not do

themselves. He told our reporter 'I'll f*ckin stun that earthquake for

stroky baps yer f*ckin prick'

 

The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of "Sunny

Delight" to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers are sifting

through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings,

which include benefit books, jewellery from Samuels, bone china from

Moochers and a number of Index catalogues.

 

How can you help?

This appeal hopes to raise enough money for food and clothing parcels for

those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the catastrophe. Clothing is

most sought after. Most needed are Kappa tracksuits (his and hers), white

socks to tuck the tracksuit bottoms into, Burberry caps, woolly "Benny" hats

and Reebok trainers. Clothing from "What shop" is most welcome. Food parcels

are also needed. They should include McCains Micro chips, HP beans, Monster

Munch crisps, Nutella chocolate spread and Iceland Pizzas. Alcohol is also

in short supply, mainly Lambrini, White Lightning cider and Carlsberg

Special Brew. Cash donations are also needed, 22p buys a Bic Biro for

signing-on, £1-50 buys chips and cheese, and £26 buys 200 Bensons from

"Tony" who has just got back from Kavos.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Message just in from Rooters News Agency. Message reads:

A small earth tremor, measuring 0.1 on the Richter Scale struck the centre of Maughold yesterday evening.

Despite extensive and detailed searches of cocktail cabinets, vintage cars and hunting trophies, early reports suggest that there was no damage worthy of an insurance claim.

Residents were, however, quoted as declaring that it was "Damned bad form!" and "Totally unacceptable."

Retired Major General Algernon Featherstonehaugh-Smythe, self-appointed chairman of a local neighbourhood watch scheme, was particularly upset by the incident. "I was just about to 'phone Mrs Cholmondeley to tell her that she really shouldn't get undressed with the lights on and the curtains open, when I felt a distinct rumble. It was such a shock that I nearly strangled myself on me binoculars strap!"

'Honest John' Fowler, a retired classic vehicle salesman from London, reported that the tremor had made him inadvertently cut the connection on an important call. "A mate in the East End wanted me to help him deposit a few quid in one the local banks, like." he said. "I mean, nuffin' funny or anyfing. Just a few grand of readies in case he makes a sudden decision to leave the smoke."

"It was most embarrassing," reported local socialite, Mrs Edna Johnson-Johnson. "At the time, my husband was struggling to undo my bra. I do wish he'd stop wearing it."

"Shook me damned Martini for me!" said former rubber plantation owner, Humphrey Twistledown-Thistledo. "Thought it was the mem' sahib doin' her bloody aerobics in the bedroom again. Turns out she was in the greenhouse doing some rooting with the gardener, or something. Bloody Manx... they can't even get an earthquake right! I remember when I was in......."

No local-born residents could be found to comment on the tremor, but Mr & Mrs Barrington-Forsythe have announced that they will be holding a small cocktail and doorkey party to consol those struggling to come to terms with it, just as soon as they've decided whether black ties should be optional or not.

In the meantime, Miss Whiplash Larue, a relief worker from Mayfair who makes regular visits to the area, will be arriving as usual to attend to their needs and to do what she can about raising their spirits.

Message ends.

[thebees]

I do hope you mean the people are better in Birchill  , there are always exceptions everywhere of course.

 

No, I meant as it read, but I was only being contravertial....