Help For Friend & Kids

[Tonto]

just wanted to say that I know someone who has been involved in the women's refuge and your friend will find people there who can really help, not just in finding a roof, but the people to contact who can help in other ways - for example if her children are old enough to know whats been happening, they really really need help. If not for herself, then she should put her children's welfare first.

 

Just want to say, isn't it awful that she is worried about it getting known, when really naming and shaming the other party is what should be happening.

 

Hope things get better now her Dad is taking charge.

[Tea&Biscuits]

Yea she should contact the womens refuge as they do help. Although there is only so much they can do! The changes have to come from the person, from the heart, or time an time they will go back and your friend Butterfly has to realise that she is in for a rough and dark time before things get better, but her life will be so much better - I mean how horrible and confusin it must be to have someone you love and that loves you, hit you?

 

Im glad that her Father is involve now, as thats half the battle having people to turn to etc. - I just wish her well.

 

We were lucky that things worke out for me an my mum an sister - it was tough but now we are all strong women, mum is my biggest inspiration ever! My Stepdad is also an absolute angel! I now talk to my Dad as I feel no grudge and see that in many ways he was a victim of his own anger and his own issues. The sad thing is that a few years ago I witnesse him beating up his girlfriend in a drunken rage - I couldnt believe he would still do that......just goes to show that unless a violent man gets proper help he will never change.

[Gladys]

BM, Just to echo everyone else's sentiments, I am very glad that your friend has now the ability to take charge and she has the support of her family. I PM'd you separately on this and the important thing is to be decisive, take back control of your life and not allow the other person to make you (and your children) into victims!

 

Good luck to her ... and I am sure the wine did help alot!!

 

X

[caringwife]

 

 

After going back a few times, the last straw came when he smashed a mug in her face and threatened to kill her, we ended up being taken by the police to womens refuge, stayed there for about 4 months waiting for a council house. Now, this is where i get angry, the womens refuge were constantly threatening to kick us out because we had been there too long (my mum was waiting for a council house!!!!) and it got to the point where we came home one day and these women were there to help us pack, to my shame my mum had to take us and our belongings to the government office and said she was gona stay there till she got a house etc, Imagine that on the IOM, everyone at school knew etc!!!

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

 

I thought i was the only one, i was in the refuge years ago and they kept threatening to kick me out, apparently they like to keep the refuge empty to show there are no such cases of dv over here. I was also told by a refuge worker that i must have made up the abuse just to get a council house, yes like i gave up my home and everything i owned and ended up homeless for months to do so.

[Tea&Biscuits]

Caring Wife, phew that there is also someone out there that was treated like that, I actually played their treatment down a bit - they were stuck up and waspish women who made me and my mum an sis feel like we were a constant pain and that we were very lucky to be living in the house!

The house was empty most of the time, and that day we came home, when I said that they were there to help us pack, they had actually started packing for us, I was studying for my GCSES and I had put posters on my wall with all my study material on there, they took them down!

 

Now ok if it wasnt for them and their sanctuary in the first instance who know what would have happened, but as for long term care they are not very good. My Mum was in an impossible situation, waiting for a council house etc. there was no way she was going to go back to my Dad etc.

 

The sense of shame and of being a burden to people has never left me - this is exactly how I felt when I lived there.

 

Maybe nowadays things are different, but in the 90s I feel that domestic violence was still seen as the woman being a "bit hysterical" etc.

[Addie]

Maybe nowadays things are different, but in the 90s I feel that domestic violence was still seen as the woman being a "bit hysterical" etc.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It would be very interesting to know if things have changed from the days of T&B and Caring Wife's days.

 

It would also be interesting to know if cases of domestic violence on the Isle of Man are on the increase or are decreasing.

 

How big is the Manx refuge and how many people can it take?

 

Is it funded by charity or a mixture of private and public funds?

 

Searching around the net, it seems that as this subject is so sensitive that there isn't a lot of up front detail.

 

Surely someone in that position would benefit from being able to access a one-stop source of information - on the net perhaps - where they read up on things and see the refuge and what they might expect there and for how long and also what support is available from the government.

 

Maybe this is already online? Anyone have the link?

 

It seems refuges don't suit every case anyway Violent husband

[Gladys]

Whyare we surprised about the standard of care on the IOM? Look at the child care inquiry! Our care system has proved ineffective in protecting the vulnerable, certainly, historically; lets hope it has changed!