floors4u Posted Thursday at 08:35 AM Share Posted Thursday at 08:35 AM Good morning, My wife has begun divorce proceedings and to cut a long story short, she wants the house sold yesterday. We originally agreed to do go about things amicably, and also agreed that she would move out and rent and I would continue the mortgage payments etc. Our daughter is 1 year into university, and is returning home to work and see friends at every term break and because of this I am holding out on the house sale until she's finished uni . My reason being is I believe it's unfair for said daughter to lose the stability of a home she knows, while she studies. I reluctantly agreed a month ago that we could sell the house after summer next year , a year earlier than originally agreed after a discussion with my daughter. My wife came home from a family visit last week and declared she has involved a lawyer and will be pressing for an immediate divorce and house sale. I found a letter addressed to her solicitor with a long overdue gas bill inside , and this got me worrying that she and her solicitor are going to start fighting dirty. I am at the moment in a salary of approx 33k before tax ,and am paying half mortgage rates and university fees so an expensive lawyer will prove pretty difficult, my wife earns approx 50k - I have no private pension, and although my wife does have one , I always stated I wouldn't go after that in a divorce. I only want a half share of the house. Is my share at risk if her solicitor proves my contributions have been smaller over the years? Thanks in advance for any advice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wrighty Posted Thursday at 08:59 AM Share Posted Thursday at 08:59 AM A marriage is like a business partnership. Up until the break-up, unless there was a pre-nuptial agreement, everything that 'the business' owns is 50-50 equal share. It's irrelevant that she might have contributed more in terms of salary to the mortgage - you perhaps contributed more in other ways. Try not to get acrimonious for the sake of your relationship with your daughter. Try not to involve lawyers - the only winners there are the lawyers. Get the house valued now, work out the equity in it - you each take 50% of that. You should also take 50% of her pension accrued so far, although that can be offset against the equity in the house. Get her to get a CETV for the pension pot ASAP - you're entitled to 50% of that. Try to work together. Find a mutual friend who's been through it and knows what they're doing to help you come to an amicable solution. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piebaps Posted Thursday at 09:05 AM Share Posted Thursday at 09:05 AM If you haven't notified the tax office of your separation, do so now. All their info is here https://www.gov.im/categories/tax-vat-and-your-money/income-tax-and-national-insurance/individuals/residents/separation/ You'll need to fill in their funkily named form R113 which you can download from the link. Divorce has no effect for tax purposes - the date of separation is the important bit. Once you've submitted the form they'll separate your tax records and make sure your deductions are correct going forward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Wright Posted Thursday at 09:36 AM Share Posted Thursday at 09:36 AM It’ll take her ages to get a divorce and a financial hearing and an order to sell the house. The court will take into account the needs of your daughter whilst at university. But, and this will depend on the equity in the house, and what you and your wife can buy as replacements. Surely you can each provide a room for your daughter. My suggestion is to sit down and mediate. Use a professional mediator. Agree to split the costs. You won’t need a lawyer to do that. Generally, with a long marriage, no matter what you’ve each contributed, you get a 50:50 split of the assets. That includes the house and current capital value of your wife’s pension. You can take that as a pension split, or an enhanced proportion of the house equity. What isn’t reasonable is for you to try and delay the sale and her getting her share out so she can buy elsewhere, whilst you live in the house and don’t pay her rent for occupying her half. Lots of children have parents who divorce and have to sell, or parents who move when they’re in education. You mustn’t use your daughter to stay in the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floors4u Posted Thursday at 09:53 AM Author Share Posted Thursday at 09:53 AM 8 minutes ago, John Wright said: It’ll take her ages to get a divorce and a financial hearing and an order to sell the house. The court will take into account the needs of your daughter whilst at university. But, and this will depend on the equity in the house, and what you and your wife can buy as replacements. Surely you can each provide a room for your daughter. My suggestion is to sit down and mediate. Use a professional mediator. Agree to split the costs. You won’t need a lawyer to do that. Generally, with a long marriage, no matter what you’ve each contributed, you get a 50:50 split of the assets. That includes the house and current capital value of your wife’s pension. You can take that as a pension split, or an enhanced proportion of the house equity. What isn’t reasonable is for you to try and delay the sale and her getting her share out so she can buy elsewhere, whilst you live in the house and don’t pay her rent for occupying her half. Lots of children have parents who divorce and have to sell, or parents who move when they’re in education. You mustn’t use your daughter to stay in the house. Thanks for this , much appreciated - I'm honestly not using my daughter to stay in the house - I want out of the situation also. I just don't think it's unreasonable to wait for another 12 months until my daughter is in her final year . This was the agreement , and now my wife has renaged on that . I have plans to leave the island and move closet to my family , as does my wife I'm only staying so my daughter has a place over here to come and see her friends and have a nice place to be , until uni is done. Again , thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floors4u Posted Thursday at 09:54 AM Author Share Posted Thursday at 09:54 AM 48 minutes ago, piebaps said: If you haven't notified the tax office of your separation, do so now. All their info is here https://www.gov.im/categories/tax-vat-and-your-money/income-tax-and-national-insurance/individuals/residents/separation/ You'll need to fill in their funkily named form R113 which you can download from the link. Divorce has no effect for tax purposes - the date of separation is the important bit. Once you've submitted the form they'll separate your tax records and make sure your deductions are correct going forward. Thanks , we're already taxed separately I'm not sure if that makes any difference or not ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Wright Posted Thursday at 10:02 AM Share Posted Thursday at 10:02 AM 6 minutes ago, floors4u said: Thanks for this , much appreciated - I'm honestly not using my daughter to stay in the house - I want out of the situation also. I just don't think it's unreasonable to wait for another 12 months until my daughter is in her final year . This was the agreement , and now my wife has renaged on that . I have plans to leave the island and move closet to my family , as does my wife I'm only staying so my daughter has a place over here to come and see her friends and have a nice place to be , until uni is done. Again , thanks Have you asked your daughter? Explained house will need selling and that both you and her mother will be buying separate new places in the UK. Likelihood is she’s going to live with one or other of you after uni, given the rental and housing market. Does it really matter when the move happens? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piebaps Posted Thursday at 11:56 AM Share Posted Thursday at 11:56 AM 2 hours ago, floors4u said: Thanks , we're already taxed separately I'm not sure if that makes any difference or not ? Complete it anyway is my advice. It costs nothing and isn't complicated. Even if you have opted to be taxed separately, your tax records are likely to be linked. Its always best to "unlink" them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gladys Posted Thursday at 05:30 PM Share Posted Thursday at 05:30 PM Check the position on your daughter's uni grant if you leave. Will she still be entitled to funding from IOM and would UK funding be more advantageous for her? I don't know the answer, but do know that the student arrangements here are very different to those in the UK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albert Tatlock Posted Thursday at 05:34 PM Share Posted Thursday at 05:34 PM Do what your daughter wants you to do. After all complex legal bollox is over...that's the real win. You might end up temporarily skint (or maybe not)...but you'll be the real winner in all of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pearl49 Posted Friday at 06:44 AM Share Posted Friday at 06:44 AM Talk to your daughter about the situation she might have some helpful thoughts on selling the house now. Just be open and honest with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thommo2010 Posted Friday at 12:59 PM Share Posted Friday at 12:59 PM No matter how much it costs get a lawyer involved, I unfortunately tried to be the bigger person and walked away from a substantial amount of money so my kids didn't have to be uprooted only for the house to be sold less than 2 years later. I didn't have the money for a lawyer and I thought things would be amicable but even after this amount of time there are still things that crop up that should have been dealt with earlier 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anyone Posted Saturday at 07:08 PM Share Posted Saturday at 07:08 PM There is a good film called ‘Strangers on a Train’ . Might give you a few pointers. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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