Shake me up Judy Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 Don't underestimate what your ex-partner is capable of and the lies they're prepared to tell you to get what they want. Lawyers will do you no favours and if you're naive you'll get taken to the cleaners. Sorry if that sounds cynical. Protect yourself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Voice of Reason Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 2 hours ago, Shake me up Judy said: Don't underestimate what your ex-partner is capable of and the lies they're prepared to tell you to get what they want. Lawyers will do you no favours and if you're naive you'll get taken to the cleaners. Sorry if that sounds cynical. Protect yourself. Every experience is different. My divorce was reasonably amicable. My lawyer was pushing me to go really adversarial. True if I was of such a mind I could have ended up with a more favourable financial outcome. But children were involved, I didn’t want them to have to leave the marital home for it to be sold. Maybe I was naive and could have held out for more. But many years down the line myself, my ex wife and our children are in relatively good spaces. As I say every case is different. I was in a loving relationship with my wife for many years. It fell apart but I think both of us didn’t want to turn it into hate for each other. I appreciate others don’t have that luxury, guess I’m one of the lucky ones. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floors4u Posted July 5 Author Share Posted July 5 19 hours ago, Shake me up Judy said: Don't underestimate what your ex-partner is capable of and the lies they're prepared to tell you to get what they want. Lawyers will do you no favours and if you're naive you'll get taken to the cleaners. Sorry if that sounds cynical. Protect yourself. Thanks, to be honest I don't think they can actually do anything to hurt me financially now. My wife has agreed to leave me in the house until next summer, by this time my daughter will be starting her final year at uni . She's happy with that , as am I as I can get a few jobs done on the place , and hopefully the interest rates will drop and provide more potential buyers. Apparently there is a lawyers letter heading my way stating all the above , I have the only ace up my sleeve I think as I've always said I won't touch her pension. If thinks get nasty , that's the only thing that would change my position regarding this. Thanks for all the replies , much appreciated Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joebean Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 Having been through this some years ago, all I can advise is that you seek mediation or come to some agreement between yourselves to split equity equally. You will probably need to find a form of words that expresses the agreement between you as a full and final settlement, if pension pots are involved. You need to involve your daughter in discussions about accommodation and work something out that suits her. Treat divorce as the start, rather than the end of something and dwell on it as little as possible. Importantly, do not involve lawyers; they will only make matters between you and your wife worse and fleece you in the process. Remember, lawyers only see divorce as a nice earner and they are not motivated by a desire to help you in a time of difficulty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floors4u Posted July 7 Author Share Posted July 7 4 hours ago, joebean said: Having been through this some years ago, all I can advise is that you seek mediation or come to some agreement between yourselves to split equity equally. You will probably need to find a form of words that expresses the agreement between you as a full and final settlement, if pension pots are involved. You need to involve your daughter in discussions about accommodation and work something out that suits her. Treat divorce as the start, rather than the end of something and dwell on it as little as possible. Importantly, do not involve lawyers; they will only make matters between you and your wife worse and fleece you in the process. Remember, lawyers only see divorce as a nice earner and they are not motivated by a desire to help you in a time of difficulty. Thanks , I've no intention of using a lawyer unless things get ugly. As I said, there is an "agreement" letter on its way from mann benham which I'm expected to sign! We'll see Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wrighty Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 12 minutes ago, floors4u said: Thanks , I've no intention of using a lawyer unless things get ugly. As I said, there is an "agreement" letter on its way from mann benham which I'm expected to sign! We'll see Even if you don't get a lawyer, get someone else you trust to sense check it before signing. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floors4u Posted July 9 Author Share Posted July 9 On 7/7/2024 at 12:23 PM, wrighty said: Even if you don't get a lawyer, get someone else you trust to sense check it before signing. Thanks , is this something a lawyer will be happy to do even without getting involved further ? Obviously at my expense Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Wright Posted July 9 Share Posted July 9 40 minutes ago, floors4u said: Thanks , is this something a lawyer will be happy to do even without getting involved further ? Obviously at my expense Yes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barlow Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 On 7/4/2024 at 9:25 AM, lfc84 said: Does the house have a patio ? But if going down that route, on no account sell your house in case the new owners want to dig it up, or other such reasons as the DoT wanting to put a road through it. Don't sell up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Casta Posted July 15 Share Posted July 15 There seems to be a lot of divorcees on Manx Forums. I wonder are we mostly all somewhat saddo, hammering away at the keyboard all week, waiting for the weekend until we can take the kids to Macdonald's. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Casta Posted August 5 Share Posted August 5 On 7/15/2024 at 6:31 AM, Casta said: There seems to be a lot of divorcees on Manx Forums. I wonder are we mostly all somewhat saddo, hammering away at the keyboard all week, waiting for the weekend until we can take the kids to Macdonald's. Don't get me wrong like, there's nought wrong with Macdonald's. To be fair it's better than spending all week taking them to school and cleaning the house and making meals and cleaning clothes and doing...etc. Bargain. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utah 01 Posted August 8 Share Posted August 8 (edited) On 6/27/2024 at 9:59 AM, wrighty said: Try not to involve lawyers You must. You have to have someone to fight your corner and if the going gets tough from your wife, the kid gloves have to come off and that is best left to a lawyer to do the fighting for you. Edited August 8 by Utah 01 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Voice of Reason Posted August 8 Share Posted August 8 (edited) 2 hours ago, Utah 01 said: You must. You have to have someone to fight your corner and if the going gets tough from your wife, the kid gloves have to come off and that is best left to a lawyer to do the fighting for you. I’m not so sure it’s that as much. I have related my experience above ( and obviously each case is different) I didn’t want the kid gloves to come off and financially speaking would have been better off if I had gone with the strategy the lawyer recommended ( that’s their job and it what you pay them for). But I would have felt morally worse off ( if that makes sense), especially with children involved. Having lawyers involves somehow divorces ( no pun intended) you from the process. But it gives the whole process legitimacy. It may be your first divorce but it may be the lawyers hundredth. You can say “well that’s what my lawyer said” if you’re accused of being a greedy bastard or whatever. Like you can ( I believe rightly or wrongly) do your own conveyancing. But I wouldn’t advise that either. Edited August 8 by The Voice of Reason Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albert Tatlock Posted August 8 Share Posted August 8 It can be all the way from perfectly amicable. no kids, and no lawyers...to full on lawyer powered war, especially if arguments around custody are involved. Mine was the latter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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